Commit to JOY after narcissistic abuse

healing narcissistic abuse recovery Nov 04, 2019

Choosing to commit to live in joy isn't something that comes easily.  Especially if you're still struggling with what "commitment" really means.

One definition of commitment according to Oxford is:


  1. 1.
    the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.
    "the company's commitment to quality"
    synonyms: dedicationdevotionallegianceloyaltyfaithfulnessfidelitybondadherenceattentiveness

DEDICATED.  At the same level you were dedicated to loving a person that never loved you.  COMMITTED to healing yourself and seeing you for the person you could be, so you can live in JOY every. single. day.

I know you're asking, "Deanna, how can I commit to living in joy when I can barely commit to taking care of myself? I'm depressed, missing him and feel worthless?"  

For many of us, we've have moments where we've glimpsed true joy, like the time you laugh so hard you pee or spit out your food.  The joy you feel when you see a million stars in the night sky camping for the first time, or watching a sunset over the ocean with colors that appear so brilliant you almost think they're fake.  The joy you feel smelling your newborn's head after their first bath.  Mmmm....

If you've suffered from years of abuse, whether being raised by a narcissistic parent or suffering years in a marriage or relationship, choosing joy may not seem like an option.  

Yet, that is the BEST option you have in order to fully heal and move on permanently with your life.

Just because you make a commitment to choosing joy, living in joy doesn't mean it will happen overnight.  Any good relationship worth fighting for takes time.  Here are a few helpful steps to guide you to living in full commitment to joy:

  • Take it one breath, one moment at a time.  This is a marathon babe, so pace yourself.  Practice breathing techniques, meditation, journaling and other relaxing techniques to guide your mind and body into the joy state.

  • Take a hike...or a walk. Or volunteer.  Seeing the beauty in nature, or helping someone else in need can bring you joy beyond measure.  Focusing on the good in life (instead of the memory of when your ex gave you a gift only to slam you down about how you really didn't deserve it) is going to allow your brain to drop some wonderful feel-good chemicals to your body.  And that's what creates happiness

  • Think about the alternative if you don't choose joy.  You'll stay stuck in anxiety, unhappiness, worry, and heartache.  That is not a live any of us want to live.  If you continue to choose to focus your thoughts on what "could have been", or "why did he leave me", you won't move on. 

  • Choosing to commit to joy requires action steps.  When you are in the depths of recovery and healing, an action step towards joy may be working with a therapist, coach and support group.  It may mean slowly stepping away from the therapist or support group.  An action step could be journaling for the first time in years.  Or getting back to an exercise routine.  Small tiny action steps to move forward will help you heal and move forward!

Mother Teresa had it right.  If you radiate joy, you're going to attract more of the "good" people and less of the bad.

Look, choosing joy when you are in the deep recovery period is tough.  Getting out of bed and showering may be all you can handle right now.  But think about how you would feel if every day you say to yourself "I commit to living in joy because I want to feel happy again" and you did it?!  

It may not seem like it right now, but we live in a beautiful planet with beautiful people.  It's time to radiate that joy so you can attract more of them to you.

And the commitment you make today is one that will last a lifetime.  What are you willing to do to commit in joy?  

Make an "I commit to joy" sign.  Print it. Sign it. Post it in the facebook group and share on your IG feed.  

Let's live in joy together.




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